Just Take Out The Trash!

There are some things that I wouldn’t buy even if I literally had all the money in the world.  

Even if I had already bought everything I ever wanted or had even thought of wanting.  Even if I and was told to spend some money or lose my entire fortune.

Okay, not that last one.

The fact is there are some things that are plain ridiculous and useless.  The Hands-Free Infrared MotionSensor Trash Can by NineStars Products.com is one of those pointless things.

I was at a friend’s house the other night.  Apparently he (or his wife) think differently than I.  They are the type to buy anything they think is techie.  It’s a Jonesing thing with them I think, so hey, why not a motion activated trash can?  I was glad they had bought one because frankly it was amusing to watch.

We were all hanging around gnoshing on snacks using paper plates, etc…, so the opportunity was ripe to see people’s interaction with the the trash can.

Ms. Touchy-feely kept trying to open the lid with her hand.  Even after a couple trash trips, she still reached for the lid to open it.  Each time she did, the lid would start to open, and sort of surprise her.  Then she would drop her trash in........ and push the lid back down...... by hand.  The automatic drop of the lid didn’t come quickly enough for her, she wanted it closed pronto!  Clearly the idea of a “hands-free” trash container was beyond her mental grasp.

Then there was Mr. Goodbye, who stood and waved at the trash can.  He grasped the touchless concept quickly enough but couldn’t perfect his usage technique.  I didn’t see his first approach, but perhaps he had already figured out it was motion sensor operated because the first time I did see him make a trash run, he walked up to the can, and waved at it.  

I mean waved, kinda like he was saying goodbye to a short dude.  When that didn’t work, he moved a little closer and waved again.  It took three attempts, with his final wave mere centimeters from the sensor.  

Of course when the lid did open, it hit his hand negating the touchless benefit.

Each time Mr. Goodbye deposited his trash, he would stand there and watch the lid drop, which usually took place about a second after the trash drop.  I estimate he spent about five minutes that evening, just staring at the trash can.

When I made my trash drops, I just got annoyed.  The advert might say it works from 10 inches away, but what difference is 10 inches from 2?  I just want to drop my damn trash. I don’t want to have to wave my trash over the can, like some magic trash-wand, and then quickly move (without dropping anything) to avoid having the lid flip my plate onto the floor.  

Give me an open topped can any day, or better yet, what about a damned foot pedal trash can?  Why isn’t the foot pedal activated trash can lid good enough?  Remember those?  They might not be touchless, but they are hands free, and make a whole lot more sense.  I don’t give a rat’s behind if my shoe sole touches the can, it touches a lot worse than that.   And (bonus) no batteries!!

Who the hell wants to replace batteries in yet another fracking device?  It’s bad enough little Suzie’s Dolly-Pukes-A-Lot needs new batteries every other day, and Tommy’s RC cars require so many batteries that a part time job is needed to supply his addiction.  Don’t we have enough batteries going into the landfills every year without thinking up more ridiculous devices that will contribute?

10,000 open and close cycles per battery change might seem like a lot, but if you have little kids, or cats, that lid might never stop moving.  Those 10,000 cycles will be gone in a day.  At some point, you’ll be standing there with nasty stuff all over your hands waving at the damn trash can and it won’t open because Morris the cat, or the two year old played flipsy-doodle all day with the sensor eye.  

When that happens, you won’t be thinking how cool your new trash can is.  At that point , the first thing that will enter your mind is, “damn!  I don’t have any batteries.”  

I bet the lid gets used by hand for a few days before you make it to the store for a new 100pack of AAs.

Even though it barely operated for Mr. Goodbye, it seemed to have a mind of its own other times.  One time when I walked by, the lid popped open.  It must have been getting hungry and decided to make a grab for me.  It felt like I was passing by the homeless guy with a sign.  I was like, “sorry man, I don’t have anything for you.”

Or what about the honest claims they make on the NineStars’ website?  Talk about truth in advertising; they haven’t even heard of the concept!  It seems they think this lid can alter the workings of biology.  As if enclosing trash in a container with a “touchless automatic lid” can:

“Create a germ free, odor free, bacteria free environment.”

Huh, didn’t know that it was possible to do that by simply closing the lid.  There are still germs and odors galore inside there.  Just wave your hand over the lid for a reminder.  And then there’s this gem:

“There will be no cross contamination to worry about when you're preparing chicken, meat and any other foods.”

I’m not sure, but I don’t think the trash can is where cross contamination usually occurs.  If it does, maybe the person who allows that to happen needs to rethink their food prep practices.  But hey, maybe I’m the only one who doesn’t do food prep on the garbage can, and it is nice to know you can:

“Turn an every-day chore into something fun.”

Okay, absolutely NO ONE is buying that one.  But go ahead; keep trying to make it seem useful.

Yup, I can honestly say.  This trash can was great entertainment for a few minutes, at someone else’s house!  It won’t find its way into my kitchen……unless it could also take an overloaded trash bag out to the curb. 

Now there’s an idea.