Triage Your Decision Making
Through her life, I watched, meddled, cajoled, coerced, disciplined, counseled, bribed, and begged while she made good decisions and bad ones. Some of her decisions made me smile, some made me cringe, some made me angry, and some even made me cry, but all of them fully occupied my heart and mind at the time.
A father cannot watch his daughter go from weird toddler's eye-glasses and pound puppies to boyfriends, driving, a job and college, and not hurt like hell, laugh out loud, or even cry when no one is watching.
I've always wanted my daughter to make good decisions, and avoid the wasteland of regrets, a wasteland I am all too familiar with. The number of lousy, life-altering decisions I've made is hearth wrenching. If I could somehow help my daughter avoid that desert of the soul, all the pain in the world would be worth it.
One evening we sat talking. I listened mostly. She was relating some of the challenges she faced, and I did not want to open my mouth too much and ruin the opportunity to learn more about her.
She admitted that relationships were hard for her to understand, her future seemed uncertain, she was questioning her world view. Life was getting more confusing to her, and she needed me.
As a dad, I desperately wanted to protect her, and see her safely past the rough spots. To offer encouragement that would soothe her mind.
It seemed easy at the time to just tell her how she should think, or what she should do. The answers seemed so clear to me. If she could only see things the way I saw them after a lifetime of learning things the hard way.
I wanted to guide her around those hard times and see her safely on the other side, but as long as we have life and breath, hard things will continue to show up. I couldn't steer her around them, I could only speak truth, encourage her, be there for her, and love her no matter what.
It sucks, but our kids need to experience life, both the good and the bad, to grow into their own souls.
There was a lot that tried to escape my mind and occupy my mouth that night, but the less said the better sometimes. Of all the stuff I wanted to say,only one thing needed to be said. As it was getting late and I could see she had spoken her mind, I decided to avoid too much blathering. I told my little girl the following instead.
Prioritize your decisions based on a couple of aspects. The importance of the decision, and the shelf-life of the decision.
Decisions that affect relationships are the most important, decisions that involve self-actualization are next, and the decisions we make about things are least important. Learn to perform a quick triage when a decision is needed. Rate the importance of each decision before cementing and acting on it.
If a choice involves relationships, take it slowly using love and care. It isn't only how the decision impacts you, it will impact others as well, and the ripple effect can reach to the edges of the world. People you affect will affect others. Your decision could go viral and cause great harm, or huge benefit. People are valuable, don't take decisions lightly that may benefit, or harm another human being. Have empathy and compassion when making decisions that involve relationships. Think about the welfare of the other people involved.
If a decision is about your personal growth, measure it against your heart's desires, and the natural aptitudes you have. The opportunity costs are lower when you are young, choose what sets your heart on fire. Find things that mean something to you. Don't follow the money trail, but don't be naive and think money doesn't matter either. Take advantage of opportunities. Develop yourself every chance you get
If you must decide which car to drive, shoes to buy or other material things, don't sweat it too much. Things come and go. Don't sell you soul for Gucci, but don't waste too much time trying to philosophize about stuff.
The other way to prioritize is to determine the shelf-life of each decision. In other words, what impact will each decision have on your lifeline? How long will the results of each decision last? Will you still think it was a good decision after a year, five years, a lifetime? Will you be able to open the cupboard of your mind years later and be satisfied with what you find? On reflection will you be satisfied you made the right decision because the lasting impact is positive?
What entree to order at a restaurant means nothing in the long run. What car to drive impacts you for a few years, and will affect your finances for a time. Who to marry will affect you for the rest of your life. Have children.......? Yeah, better think long and hard about that one!
The results of some decisions fade quickly, others last forever; learn to discern the difference.
Each decision we make should be made based on it's importance, and shelf life. Learn to make decisions wisely, with forethought, and it will help you avoid the wasteland of regrets.
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